So for my job (peer mentoring) we do a lot of what we call "reflecting". Basically, it's taking some new information or knowledge, doing some soul searching, applying it to past experiences, and asking new questions. Recently, we just completed our six-day work training, and so I've had plenty of time to think about life, where I'm at, and where I'm headed. And I've had a few thoughts that I need to work through. I figure this is as good a place as any to do that.
What Color Represents You?
No, this is not a link to some Buzzfeed quiz. This is a question one of our supervisors asked us during training. My response was blue because blue is a calm color and I consider myself a calm person. But the main reason I replied with this color is because I was one of the first people to respond and didn't have enough time to think of a good, deep response. But now, I have one.
Have you ever driven on a freeway in western Washington? If I had a video of it, I'd insert it here. Maybe next time I go home I guess. But just imagine a beautiful green blur of pine needles and leaves smoothly rushing past your window and you've basically got it.
So here's the thing: for my color, I'd pick this shade of green. Why? It's beautiful, and I'd like to consider myself a beautiful person (everyone is). It's also what you'd expect, and I like to live up to people's expectations of me (as long as they're positive). It's also just the beginning of what is essentially a forest just feet from your car. I'd like to think I'm similar in that respect as well.
When you see this wonderful green shade outside your car, you don't think about everything that is going on within the forest. You just think "Ah, isn't this nice?" I feel like this is maybe how others view me. I'm nice...sure, I mean I am. But do people know what's going on beneath the surface? I mean, does anyone? Sure, I'm definitely a lot of what you get on the outside: peacemaker, kind, happy, optimist, etc. But what most people don't see (unless I feel very close to them, and sometimes those people don't even see it) is as follows:
- A girl who loves cheesy (and clean!) romantic novels maybe a little too much
- A girl who feels an inexplicable need to help everyone all the time, a trait that sometimes drives her to a breaking point
- A girl who loves sitting on her couch with hot chocolate or tea, a blog open, and her favorite Pandora station on
- A girl who stresses about things she can't control, even when it's not a big deal
- A girl who gets really excited when sprinkles are an option for ice cream or frozen yogurt
- A girl who desperately needs words of praise and acceptance well as comforting hugs to avoid feelings of self-doubt
- A girl who loves her family with all her heart
- A girl who is trying her best to make the world a better place, even if her sphere of influence is relatively limited
- A girl who has thrown her whole life plan of becoming a teacher up in the air in hopes of pursuing a new path of becoming a lawyer
- A girl who loves God and is trying her best to follow Him, even though she makes mistakes
- A girl who feels she is able to express herself through music, whether or not she's the one making it or just listening
- A girl who profoundly weeps when watching movies on a spectrum from Dumbo and Toy Story 3 to A Walk to Remember and Charlie St. Cloud
- A girl who is a fighter and can take a hit or two and still get up
- A girl who appreciates a good sense of humor, sarcasm, and being teased
- A girl who is still trying to pull herself together and figure things out
More than you wanted? Probably. But everyone could probably make a similar list. These are my branches, bark, soil, flowers, animals, etc. that live inside my green blur. It's what everyone else ignores to say "Oh, pretty."
Now, is this list of traits a secret? HECK. NO. That would drive me insane. And the fact that I'm publishing it here makes it definitively NOT secret. But does everyone I know know all of this about me? No. And are there things about me that people I love about don't understand? Most definitely.
I'm not really sure that this post has a purpose other than for me to sort this out a bit for myself. It's definitely something I want to keep thinking about because I think stories are important--both accepting your own and learning the stories of those around you. Because it's not that these stories determine where we will end up, but they do determine what kind of life we have as a main character. And what we choose to do with that life will determine our future and destiny.