We all know at least one "quiet". It's the person that sits in class and never speaks a word. It's the person who doesn't speak up at a party. It's the person who doesn't offer their opinion in a debate. It's the person who listens intently while you talk about your life. It's the person who stares dreamily out a window. It's the person who types a blog post about quiet people.
While I'm not trying to claim to speak for everyone who struggles with speaking up (heck, I'm not the Lorax for quiet people) I just want to share my experience. Maybe you can relate, and maybe it can give a little bit of understanding to those who can't.
Disclaimer: I'm also not going to enter the extrovert/introvert debate. Because being quiet is not the same as being introverted. So there.
While I'm not trying to claim to speak for everyone who struggles with speaking up (heck, I'm not the Lorax for quiet people) I just want to share my experience. Maybe you can relate, and maybe it can give a little bit of understanding to those who can't.
Disclaimer: I'm also not going to enter the extrovert/introvert debate. Because being quiet is not the same as being introverted. So there.
I was at a party the other day with a lot of people I didn't really know. I was uncomfortable, but that was the point. One of my unofficial New Years resolutions is to wiggle my way outside of my comfort zone in terms of talking to, socializing with, and trusting people.
Anyways, everyone there was really nice to me, and for the most part it was really fun. But I think what a lot of people don't realize is that there's a fine line between "being nice" and "patronizing." If you include me in a game or activity like any other normal person, that is being nice. If you are speaking to me in a tone that you don't use with everyone else, you're drawing special attention to the fact that I'm not participating, and you're acting like you are doing a saintly deed by including me, that is patronizing.
So, let me tell you a little bit about quiet people. At least, how my experiences have contributed to my understanding of quiet people.
#1. QUIET PEOPLE ARE NOT ALWAYS QUIET
Shocking, I know. But for reals, I may be quiet in an unfamiliar situation or around people that I'm still trying to figure out, but around my family and trusted friends, I'm as silly as they come. I'm talking random dance parties, singing along to music, goofy faces, weird voices, sassy comments, unpredictable yelling, and lots of movie quotations. So if someone is being quiet, they may just feel uncomfortable or perhaps they're trying to figure things out. So please don't make it worse by drawing special attention to them (AKA me). I promise I will open up just as soon as I know what's going on.
#2. QUIET PEOPLE ARE USUALLY QUIET FOR A REASON
Like I said, maybe they're just trying to figure things out. They might be wondering just how much they can open up or talk without being judged or receiving pity laughs. Maybe they're totally fine being involved just by observing or lightly participating (which, I might add, there's nothing wrong with that). Maybe they've had a bad day, but don't want to be alone. Maybe they feel uncomfortable in big groups. Maybe they just don't have anything to add to the conversation. Maybe they're tired of being treated like they have a "problem" just because they're not jabbering everyone's ears off.
#3. QUIET PEOPLE HAVE AN AMAZING STRENGTH
True, being loud is a strength in and of itself. Maybe one of these days when I'm feeling more chatty I'll make a post about talky people, but this post is about the quiet. We all need a little quiet in our lives. If we were all trying to talk over each other, it would become a screaming contest. People wouldn't feel like they were being heard, and it would be a mess. Quiet also allows for observation, whether it be a self-assessment or trying to figure out the surrounding world.
Anyways, everyone there was really nice to me, and for the most part it was really fun. But I think what a lot of people don't realize is that there's a fine line between "being nice" and "patronizing." If you include me in a game or activity like any other normal person, that is being nice. If you are speaking to me in a tone that you don't use with everyone else, you're drawing special attention to the fact that I'm not participating, and you're acting like you are doing a saintly deed by including me, that is patronizing.
So, let me tell you a little bit about quiet people. At least, how my experiences have contributed to my understanding of quiet people.
#1. QUIET PEOPLE ARE NOT ALWAYS QUIET
Shocking, I know. But for reals, I may be quiet in an unfamiliar situation or around people that I'm still trying to figure out, but around my family and trusted friends, I'm as silly as they come. I'm talking random dance parties, singing along to music, goofy faces, weird voices, sassy comments, unpredictable yelling, and lots of movie quotations. So if someone is being quiet, they may just feel uncomfortable or perhaps they're trying to figure things out. So please don't make it worse by drawing special attention to them (AKA me). I promise I will open up just as soon as I know what's going on.
#2. QUIET PEOPLE ARE USUALLY QUIET FOR A REASON
Like I said, maybe they're just trying to figure things out. They might be wondering just how much they can open up or talk without being judged or receiving pity laughs. Maybe they're totally fine being involved just by observing or lightly participating (which, I might add, there's nothing wrong with that). Maybe they've had a bad day, but don't want to be alone. Maybe they feel uncomfortable in big groups. Maybe they just don't have anything to add to the conversation. Maybe they're tired of being treated like they have a "problem" just because they're not jabbering everyone's ears off.
#3. QUIET PEOPLE HAVE AN AMAZING STRENGTH
True, being loud is a strength in and of itself. Maybe one of these days when I'm feeling more chatty I'll make a post about talky people, but this post is about the quiet. We all need a little quiet in our lives. If we were all trying to talk over each other, it would become a screaming contest. People wouldn't feel like they were being heard, and it would be a mess. Quiet also allows for observation, whether it be a self-assessment or trying to figure out the surrounding world.
Let me insert here the fact that I see a lot of benefits of not being quiet, and actually jumping in instead of hanging back. You can't live life on the edges, and you need to find a way to really experience it and present your true, authentic, vulnerable self. So, I have two admonitions. One for the quiet people (which I'm assuming we all are or have been at some time or another) and one for those who aren't so quiet.
To those who aren't so quiet: Please don't make judgements about those who are. And please don't treat them like they're a charity case. Just treat them like everyone else, and if you have the time, get to know them one-on-one. I'm sure you'll like what you find.
To those who are quiet: Please don't let your quietness be a reason for not enjoying life to it's fullest. The world wants to hear your voice and get to know you. Recognize your strengths, but also recognize when it's a good thing to speak up and be heard.
Like I said, this is just the voice of one person who tends to be more on the quiet side of things. But hey, I still matter. And so do you.
To those who aren't so quiet: Please don't make judgements about those who are. And please don't treat them like they're a charity case. Just treat them like everyone else, and if you have the time, get to know them one-on-one. I'm sure you'll like what you find.
To those who are quiet: Please don't let your quietness be a reason for not enjoying life to it's fullest. The world wants to hear your voice and get to know you. Recognize your strengths, but also recognize when it's a good thing to speak up and be heard.
Like I said, this is just the voice of one person who tends to be more on the quiet side of things. But hey, I still matter. And so do you.